Headlines You Won’t See in Mainstream Year-End Reviews 2025

“A! I just want to get to the airport”

This Scottsdale, Arizona man got the runaround from tech support when he found himself trapped in a driverless Waymo taxi that was going all donuts round and round a parking lot.  [Hurting H]editor’s note: Fasten your seat belts, I expect we will also be circling around to a dizzying amount of other AI stories and events running amok as the year unfolds.       

 

“He never Meta tool that was better with the facts”

Six days into the new “Opinions Trump Facts” regime of America’s reelected Opinionator-in Chief, Meta boss Mark Zuckerburg, in fact, does an about Face (Book and Instagram] and announced he will discontinue fact checking on his social media platforms in what some say is designed to Make Meta Hate Again.

Related Story: “Their new Paramount concern would also appear to be Bari more facts with opinions”

Shortly after its sale, Paramount replaced the head of CBS News and 60 Minutes with Bari Weiss, a career op-ed (aka opinion) writer with more palatable conservative views.

 

“Insecurity I trust. Independent Inspectors General? Not so much”

As if to say it would be an oversight if I didn’t get rid of any persons responsible for independent oversight who were not always on my side, mister I’m Tired of Holding My Breath Till I Turn Blue (and Getting Bluer Still When People Make Fun of My Orange Coverup) childishly removed 17 of the government’s independent inspectors general who were responsible for independent government oversight.

 

“One man’s trash is another man’s treasure”

Forget about all that Oak Island garbage! A man in Wales was disappointed again in his 12-year attempt to secure the right to dig for his buried treasure and, oddly enough, wishing he was even more down in the dumps over it. The poor man’s most recent setback occurred when (much like his girlfriend who tossed his portable hard drive containing $735 in Bitcoin into the trash way back in 2013.  The value of that Bitcoin is now north of $785,000,000) a judge threw out his lawsuit demanding either the right to dig in the city’s landfill or $650,000,000 in damages.  Oh well, waste not, want not.

 

“One way to come out on top of laws against getting high in Dubai”

Forget about mainlining, slacklining is the only way to get legally high in a country that enforces one of the world’s most uncompromising drug laws; however, as this Estonian slackliner illustrates, there are strings attached, this high is not for the faint of heart, and coming down from this high can kill you.

 

“Forget the past, I can see the future”

Not forgetting the importance and power of last words from the oval office, Joe Biden went all in Eisenhower and warned everyone that a tech-industrial oligarchy of extreme wealth, power and influence is taking shape in America that really threatens our entire democracy, our basic rights and freedom.  Alas, most of America was already lost in that technically complex rabbit hole and couldn’t distinguish between what was truth to power from their (already) new improved alternate realities.

 

 

“Truckers and trains in Shertz, Texas railing over right of way”

Less than a week after an Amtrak Passenger Train smashed through a truck transporting rocks in Shertz, Texas this freight train smashed the Guiness Record for Most Vehicles bullDoged on a single crossing. No Teslas were lost in the setting of that record.

 

 

“Bigasso draws the line for demockery (and his newest book entitled, Artist of the Steal)”

America’s [birthday card] Doodler-in-Chief took some time off on the business of lining his pockets to ensure lines were properly redrawn to ensure he and his Repugnican enablers would never have to overthrow the results of fair election again.  Right out of the gate he went DEFCON Rosie O’Donnell in a clumsy attempt to illegally fire the U.S. Federal Election Commission (FEC) Commissioner and Chair.  Later he would encourage Texas to redraw their electoral districts to guarantee 5 more Republican seats in Congress.

 

 

“What do you mean I’ve got an inflated ego? An inflated ankle maybe, but right now, today, inflation doesn’t even cross my mind.”

Although America’s Commander-in-Chief has not been shy about Nobelly taking credit for single-handedly ending numerous wars (some of which didn’t and couldn’t even exist), he humbly refrained from taking any credit for the Big One that he stopped even before it started.  That’s right America, few if any food prices fell in battle as a result of his promised War on Inflation, a war he appears to have put paid to even before it started (or perhaps, despite his good intentions, he thought his cankles trumped the bone spur that allegedly disqualified him from the Vietnam conflict, so why bother even trying).

 

 

“Transparency, nothingness, what’s the difference? Delete! Delete! Delete!”

Donnie Sly the Denial Guy and his cronies are accused of digitally Making Medical Ignorance and Book Burnings Great Again when one of the many Executive Orders he scienced off on leads to the disappearing of scientific data from Department of Health and Human Services (HHS) and Centers of Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) websites.

In a related story: “Denial guys blame weather for more cancellations”

Further undeniable evidence that the climate within the US has changed as it relates to the rules of science comes when National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration (NOAA) scientists are ordered not to travel to meetings with or participate on calls from their counterparts in other countries without first providing their new overlords right of first denial.

 

 

“Conspiracy theories under Trump continue to escalate… no wait, stop?#!!”

MAGA media (aka all those outlets involved in feverishly escalating their broadcasts of division and hate) conspiracy theorists get their cankles in an UProar when their King has to man UP and walk UP a flight of stairs at the United Nations in order to get all UP in the face of science and the world’s (non authoritarian) state leaders.

 

 

“As rescues go, this could be the greatest of all time”

This Spanish GOAT cooly baaeded his time waiting for fire fighters to talk him off the ledge.

 

 

“Loose lady goes down and sinks leadership”

Yes, Alberta Premier Danielle Smith went down to the USA and pleaded with them to postpone their tariffs until after Canada’s federal election not because they were hurting Canadians, because they were hurting the Conservative Party’s chances of winning the election. Her statements to the effect that that Conservative Leader Pierre Poilievre was “in sync” with the direction of Donald Trump and you’ll like what you see with Poilievre.  Unsurprisingly the Liberals came back from the grave to win a minority over the Conservative Party and Poilievre’s own constituents voted him out of office. The Moral: Loose lips sink ships and loose cannons with loose lips can turn the tide.

 

“I sodomly swear to tell the…”

…whole motherf#!%ing world where to go… publicly. America’s RhetorDICK-in-Chief will be remembered as the man(iac) who put the DIP in diplomacy.

 

 

“Scientific proof that females find males are definitely more attractive after a few drinks”

Alcohol is the answer (if you want to be pretty fly) for a fruit fly who wants to attract the apple of his eye. For the rest of you guys out there, have courage and get out there anyway (it’s better than bottling it up).

 

“Finally, soccer is cool in Canada, and that was the goal right”

Ottawa ices victory in the Canadian Premier League Championship in what is undeniably the coolest goal in the history of the professional soccer world.

 

“We’ve Got Your Back… Stabbers R US”

At least Julius Caesar’s meeting on the Ides of March was not broadcast live around the world.  On the brighter side, although the President of Ukraine was blindsided and publicly stabbed in the back by what he thought were political allies in America’s Oval Office, he survived. The only thing that died was whatever was left of America’s political capital on the world stage.

 

“Russian machine stalls again on world stage”

Three years after the myth of the invincible Russian War machine was shattered by Ukraine, the only thing worse than Russia’s attempt to unveil their re-emergence as an unstoppable power, nay machine, was their attempt to cover it up when it collapsed. Ukraine imagine the position (somewhere in the vicinity of an open window) that its creator was Putin by this latest setback.

 

“Repeat offender manages to duck Swiss authorities despite her inability failure to fly below the radar”

Although the police have yet to quack the case, given all the video evidence to date, they are confident that the fowl creature will eventually find itself in a soup d’orange (and being a clear flight risk there will be no bail).

 

“The dangers of deep sleep on the deep seashore”

The sound of a container ship running aground a few meters away from his bed failed to rouse Johan Helberg as he was apparently sawing some serious Norwegian wood. His survival is living proof that fortune truly does smile when your ship comes in.

 

“Audacity versus atrocity in what Ukraine call it A Tale of Two Cities”

While Russia was indiscriminately bombarding civilians throughout Ukraine to allegedly liberate them from the ruthless regime that was their duly elected government, those soulless Ukrainian Government oppressors responded with a series of precision, in-your-face attacks on Russian Military targets. Perhaps it was because, unlike Putin’s passionate liberation forces, Ukrainian President Zelensky either: 1) recognized that any Russian civilians who weren’t related to persons in Ukraine were themselves casualties of a Putin’s very real oppressive regime; or 2) being a comedian by trade had thought it might be funny to publicly poke the bear right where it hurt.

 

“It’s an old story”

All we know for sure is that some old-timers struggle going down the stairs and sometimes they need a lift to get back up again.  What is not known is whether this 81-year-old Italian was honestly lost or experiencing a slow cognitive decline.

 

“He doesn’t tarrif it’s true, until he does”

After he flipped out when he tanked the Stock Markets in April, America’s Market Manipulating Insider-in-Chief flipped out again over anti-tariff statements made by Ronald Reagan in an ad financed by the Canadian Province of Ontario. A few weeks later, to appease his base, he flipped (aka lifted) tariffs on some of the more expensive foods in America (apparently everyone but him knows why).

 

 

“You know wildfires are out of control when even the South Pole is burning”  

For the first time in history a European Space Agency satellite filmed this wildfire burning out of control at the South Pole.

 

“Boeing seat sail saves one man’s life”

One passenger literally walked away from an Air India disaster when he and his seat sailed from the plane when it split in two just prior to the explosion.  On a more tragic note, over 240 others died including everyone on board the Boeing 787 Dreamliner and many others in the Indian city of Ahmedabad where it crashed.

 

“AI, yAI, yAI! That hurt”

A robotic soccer match in China proved: 1) AI had no problem understanding and emulating the general professional soccer player’s mindset as they were faking dive, dive, dives everywhere you looked; 2) AI has a dark side as depicted by the referee having to step in to prevent two bots from ganging up to terminate an injured opponent with a bionic bitkicking; and 3) AI is anything but the stoic, unfeeling, and emotionless tool its creators are promising because unless my eyes deceive me more than a few of the players got carried away over the course of the match.

 

“It’s a nice day for a wet wedding”

Love rains supreme in the Philippines where nothing, weather rain or shine, hell and highwater, can dampen their wading vows (lest over the years they drift apart).

 

“It’s not the size of the dog in the fight. It’s the size of the fight in the dog.”

This unbearably territorial Pomeranian pip squeak in Vancouver, B.C. was pooching well above his weight class when confronted by an intruder intent on eating his lunch.

 

“A country that forgets his past has no future”

It takes less than a year for America go from global power broker to globally broken when America’s Deal-Breaker-in-Chief alienates the world and Makes China Greater Again.  After alienating America’s traditional allies and refusing to aid struggling nations who cannot afford to purchase a hand up with gifts of gold, everyone everywhere including America in forced to mend relations with China to fill the void between the Don’s self-proclaimed and actual business acumen.

 

“Who’s Putin’ those words in his mouth?”

A group of US senators said Secretary of State Marco Rubio told them that Trump’s 28-point Russia/Ukraine peace plan was not an American proposal but the Russian position that was leaked by a representative for Moscow BUT the White House said that President Donald Trump endorsed that plan as it was drawn up by the US, and Rubio THEN said it been “authored by the US”.  If you are having trouble reconciling these statements don’t beat yourself up. As Winston Churchill once said, “Russia is a riddle wrapped in a mystery inside an enigma.”

 

 

“Mere Words Can’t Describe”

After the Republicans released a truckload of Epstein e-mails that did nothing but fan the flames of the Donald’s dumpster fire, his enablers went into immediate damage control claiming that nothing could be read into them because, for the most part, the language was too difficult to decipher.

 

“Baa crawlers flock to a British pub”

Eight sheep wandered into the pub but didn’t stay long because the drinks weren’t sheep and they didn’t want to be fleeced.

 

“It’s mime over matter. She should mime ‘cos that don’t matter”

Concerned that one female reporter might be trying to hog his wallow by asking questions that actually mattered, America’s Hogtroughical Mouthpiece-in-Chief showed his disdain by grunting “Quiet Piggy.”

 

“I’m a fraud I disagree with those verdicts”

A gaggle of jailbirds of a feather were flocking together to the Oval Office for presidential pardons. Whether they recognized America’s Felon-in-Chief as an easy mark or he saw them as his kind of people we may never know. All we know for sure is that he seemed to have a harder time explaining his routine pardon of two poor Thanksgiving Day turkeys than he had with that other bunch of stuffed shirt bilkionaires.

 

“Weave no problem with inflation, look what it does for my ego”

When asked how he would rate his handling of inflation and the  economy, America’s Bloated Egonomist-in-Chief gave it an A+++++ grade. Proof positive that the man is a way, way, way outside the box mathematical genius+++++ whose glass is, oh let’s say, 500%, 1000% and 2000% full.  Hey, if you don’t trust him or your ears, follow the science, and remember his many+++++ excellent MRI results can’t lie.

 

 

“I don’t have Trump Derangement Syndrome, you do”

America’s Child King lashes out with his version of thoughts and prayers after the murder of Rob Reiner and his wife with a nutso solemn sociopath media message that effectively says, Too bad, so sad but everyone everywhere in my mind knows everything is all about me.

 

“It’s a petty he couldn’t use his power for good instead of drivel”

Not content to just force all Republicans in the White House to prostitute themselves (and their constituents) to his every whim, America’s Petty Officer-in-Chief effectively ensured that all his Party bitches were forced to perform a perpetual walk of shame every time they pass through his gaudy presidential hall of shame (on them).

 

“Generally speaking, Putin’s accusations of Ukrainian terrorism are generally true.”

The Kremlin claimed that Ukraine “continues its involvement in terrorist activities inside our country” after not one but three more innocent Russian Generals were blown up in the streets of Moscow over a 12-month period.  In fact, given that no women, children, or civilians died in those explosions, only Russian Generals (that have been indiscriminately targeting Ukrainian women and children on a daily basis) seem terrified.

 

“Don’t play with mAI, ‘cause you’re playing with fire”

Toymakers toying with the idea of incorporating unregulated AI that is still in its infancy into their products and marketing them to infants seem to have encountered a kink in their logic.  Consumer protection authorities found that when those teddy bears and other cuties were not instructing the child how to properly play with matches or where to find drugs and knives, some were showing a tendency to steer innocent conversation into something a lot kinkier.

Other Artificial Intelligence Stories:  “Endless supply and demand mathematics”

As Americans who are finding themselves in a hole demand he do something, their CONfident Mathlete-in-Chief pulls an endless supply of numbers from his (Hmmm)ASS(ive) hole.

Meanwhile … “Pambi’s War on Math is saving countless lives”

One need only look at the number of lives the United States Attorney General figures she is saving in her war on fentanyl traffickers to prove that her appointment was not solely based on her gender and/or looks. Her appointment was a decision that her Don made purely on merit of her figures (because numbers don’t lie). By his calculation she had the right stuff to complement his own uncanny ability to manipulate numbers in ways previously unthought of enroute no solving all of America’s drug problems.

 

“Russians dying to volunteer for special operation in Ukraine”

2025 marked the year that Russia did what many believed was impossible. It overtook and then eclipsed America’s levels of patriotism and firearm related deaths.  There were almost 100,000 obituaries officially published for Russian soldiers (a 40% increase over 2024). A year ago, 15% of Russian military deaths were volunsteers. In 2025, it was one in three.  Coincidentally, in late 2024 a new Law provided anyone accused of a crime in Russia a way out of a criminal conviction if they volunteered to fight in Ukraine. That’s an attractive option in a country with an acquittal rate of less than 1%.

 

“In the end, a picture is worth a thousand words”

Because it takes one to know one. We’re not saying that the Mad King is a horse’s butt…