Date registered: January 6, 2016
Jan 01
|
Vital Statistics |
2013 |
2012 |
2011 |
2010 |
| a Canadian dollar is worth | $ 0.94US | $ 1.00US | $ 0.98US | $ 1.00US |
| a domestic postage stamp costs | $ 0.63 | $ 0.59 | $ 0.59 | $ 0.57 |
| a local Bell pay phone call(if u can find one) | $ 0.50 | $ 0.50 | $ 0.50 | $ 0.50 |
| a liter of Pepsi costs | $ 2.49 | $ 2.49 | $ 1.99 | $ 2.29 |
| a liter of water costs | $ 2.39 | $ 2.29 | $ 1.99 | $ 1.99 |
| a liter of milk costs (purchased in a four liter bag) | $ 1.35 | $ 1.25 | $ 1.25 | $ 1.32 |
| a liter of gasoline costs | $ 1.27 | $ 1.14 | $ 1.20 | $ 1.13 |
| a loaf of bread costs | $ 3.49 | $ 3.39 | $ 3.39 | $ 2.99 |
| a paperback novel costs | $10.99 | $10.99 | $11.99 | $10.99 |
| a weekly (Time) magazine costs | $ 6.99 | $ 6.99 | $ 6.99 | $ 6.99 |
| a comic book costs | $ 2.99 | $ 2.99 | $ 2.99 | $ 2.99 |
| a daily newspaper costs | $ 1.43 | $ 1.19 | $ 1.19 | $ 1.19 |
| a regular bus ride costs | $ 3.40 | $ 3.30 | $ 3.25 | $ 3.25 |
| a medium cup of coffee costs | $ 1.52 | $ 1.52 | $ 1.40 | $ 1.27 |
| a basic cable television package | $38.67 | $37.81 | $36.01 | $31.49 |
| a first run movie rental costs | $ 4.99 | $ 5.99 | $ 4.99 | $ 4.99 |
| an adult movie theatre ticket costs | $10.99 | $10.99 | $10.99 | $10.75 |
| a children’s movie theatre ticket costs | $ 7.99 | $ 7.99 | $ 7.99 | $ 7.99 |
| Minimum wage (Ontario) | $10.25/hr | $10.25/hr | $10.25/hr | $10.25/hr |
| an adult men’s haircut | $18.00 | $18.00 | $17.00 | $ 17.00 |
| a medium combination pizza | $16.25 | $17.25 | $17.00 | $ 15.50 |
Jan 01
Those unemployed script writers from Breaking Bad suddenly become richer than Bill Gates after a bidding war erupts between rich liar-politicians around the globe who would pay anything to come across as more sympathetic in the eyes of their voters.
America becomes a defacto one-party dictatorship when it’s Republican Party is placed on Interpol’s Terrorism Watch List. It’s members become so tea-ed off when their accounts are frozen and their wages garnished that they threaten: 1) to destroy the world some other way; and/or 2) to shoot themselves in the other foot.
A new reality TV show out of Montreal, Quebec that is entitled, “Who Wants to be Mayor There?” steals top spot for reality TV shows everywhere. Other politicians who have senate can’t get enough.
Last year’s conservative downsizing strategy evolves into a major embarrassment. After randomly selecting and laying off every scientist that does not wear a cowboy hat, Revenue Canada needs to hire twice as many new accountants to audit their special asses.
The surviving Boston Marathon bomber is freed on a technicality when his liars convince the jury that, because he was located via his body’s heat signature, he could not possibly have been the cold blooded killer everyone was looking for. He immediately emigrates to Canada and sues their government for a terrorillion dollars on the grounds that they did not try hard enough to convince his refugee parents that they should have run to Canada as opposed to the US.
Hip-Hop music niggasps its last deep lyric when hip-hop artists, who are nothing without their bling, can no longer bling it after bitcoin (which cannot be worn) becomes both more expensive, and way cooler than gold.
Jan 01
Ma will remember 2013 as the year she discovered Korean television on Netflix (and the year she went nutflix on the chipmunk out back). .
Pa will remember 2013 as the year he didn’t need to pluck dandelions (after he put the little pluckers down with a bulldozer).
Thing 1 remembers 2013 as the year he put our money where his mouth is and the year he made a little Pal to help him make his first dollar off of the internet. .
Most Memorable News Event: Popular video steamer guy makes over $70,000 overnight when the world dials in to watch others blitzhack his every move.
Favourite Pastime: Telling us he will just be a few more minutes.
Favourite Game: Legend of Zelda: Skyward Sword
Favourite TV Show: Elementary
Favourite Movie: White House Down
Favourite Song: Shadow Moses
Thing 2 remembers 2013 as the year he also put our money where his mouth was as well as the beginning of the end for some his other disorderly conduct around the house.
Most Memorable News Event: Boston Marathon Bombing
Favourite Pastime: Complaining about our internet and cable service
Favourite Game: Mine Sweeper
Favourite TV Show: IT Crowd
Favourite Movie: Metamucil
Favourite Song: Elevator Quartet (from the Scrubs TV show)
Jan 01
Pa will try to convince someone that, “Worry is like a rocking chair: it gives you something to do but never gets you anywhere.”
Ma will do her own thing while trusting the other Things to do the right thing for themselves.
Thing 1 will try again to cash in on his free trip to a rock concert anywhere in North America (or at least Sudbury).
Thing 2 will build a house.
Jan 01
Okay, now we really need to do something about that kitchen. It’s not because there is anything wrong with the current one, the problem is that the current one is working so well we need more room for our well fed wide bodies.
Jan 01
Vom! Seems like there have been a lot more Canadian memories than usual bleeding from my old brain pan. This must mean: 1) that Canada is probably going to fall a few rungs down the UN happy ladder in 2014; and/or 2) I am getting so old as to give a schmeat. Regardless, notwithstanding my predictions for the New Year, and with a little help from our elected officials (or the folks that elect them), things can only get better.
Jan 01
The Chinese called it the Year of the Dragon. The United Nations dubbed 2012 the International Year of Cooperatives and International Year of Sustainable Energy for All. It was the year that Spiderman and The Rolling Stones turned 50. The Oreo cookie turned 100 years old. 2012 also marked the 100th anniversary of:
In honour of the Chinese Year of the Dragon, we found ourselves dragon our butts through what just might have been one of the most uneventful years on record. Nothing has changed since 2011. Europe continues to flirt with disaster; Quebec is still corrupt; the Chinese have yet to become disoriented; banks are still sleazy; Obama is still president; and the world did not end (unless you are an NHL hockey fan). Be that as it may, you should continue to “Party Like There’s No ToMaya” and let me muse over what happened last year and what lies ahead in 2013.
Jan 01
Their calendar was not as good as Mayan
The world did not end on December 21, 2012.
Jan 01
See Story of the Year
Honourable mention: Electric car wins Motor Trend Car of the Year
In an electrifying game changer that Detroit automakers cannot continue to dodge, the Tesla S becomes the first electric car to claim the vaunted award, not because it is the best electric car, but because it is the best of all cars on the road. With 250 patents covering the Model S, and more pending, the Tesla goes from 0 to 60 mph in a Porsche-rivaling 4.4 seconds. With a top speed of 130 mph, it travels farther on a charge than any electric car in history—up to 300 miles on the optional 85-kilowatt-hour battery—and recharges three times as fast as the industry standard. The sticker price today is $59,000.
Jan 01
Holy 1984 Mr. Orwell, where’s my telephone?
Oops! Stop the celebration! Humanity is in fact doomed. A U.K. poll learns that 66% (up from 53% last year) of it’s citizens are afraid of losing or being without their cell phones. It’s called nomophobia (but don’t worry I’m sure there will soon be an app for that).