Date registered: January 6, 2016
Jan 01
Conservatives find themselves under attack as the open-ended terms of their non-competitive contract for 65 still undelivered F-35 stealth fighters continues to deliver escalating sticker shock (and awe) with an estimated cost that seems to be climbing faster than the jet will.
Jan 01
Extreme skydiver Felix Baumgartner became the first person to break the speed of sound without an aircraft while setting five Guinness World records during his 24 mile stratospheric freefall.
Jan 01
Fortunately Canada still has some cents enough to refuse to participate in a bailout package for the still unrepennytant European bankers, governments and people.
Jan 01
It’s James Bondage meets Shades of Grey when the Head of the CIA, the Commander of the International Security Assistance Force and a veteran FBI agent are caught in the fallout when their mistresses blow up in the mother of all hissy fits. The rest of the country is terrified (but not surprised) to discover that the security of their country is in the hands of some pretty insecure operators.
Jan 01
In a year that opened with anything but a Kodak moment, and despite surviving the latest predicted apocalypse (and a thousand Hollywood spinoffs) we learn that everyone’s heads are in varying shades of a dark place. The girls have invested all of their time and money in the Shades of Grey novel while their men were preoccupied with the second coming of the Black Ops video game.
Jan 01
If you think I’m making this up, have a look at the following words that were officially recognized by mainstream dictionaries last year:
Bucket list: a list of things that one has not done before but wants to do before dying
Yolo: an acronym popularised in social media for “you only live once”.
Cloud computing: storing and sharing your computer data and applications on the internet as opposed to on your own computer.
Earworm: a song or melody that keeps repeating in one’s mind
F-bomb: a lighthearted and printable version of mother of all four letter euphemisms.
Mummy porn: the genre exemplified by the best-selling 50 Shades book series,
Sexting: the sending of sexually explicit messages or images by cell phone
Oojamaflip: a thing whose name is temporarily forgotten.
Verbal diarrhoea: a tendency to speak at excessive length.
Floordrobe: a pile of clothes left on the floor of a room.
Hangry: irritable as a result of feeling hungry.
Omnishambles: A situation that has been comprehensively mismanaged, characterized by a string of blunders and miscalculations.
Squadoosh: nothing.
Jan 01
Face Book becomes the darling of the stock exchange when investors realize that there is a fine line between shirtless and topless. Abreast of this revelation its stock prices bounce back.
Conservatives celebrate as Canadians wake up penniless in February. Later that month the Finance Minister rounds GST up to 10ȼ and declares Canada will be debt free by year end.
Nomophobes rejoice as Google releases it’s “Apocalypse” family of smart phones. The “Zombie” actually screens all of your calls, organizes, thinks and speaks for you. It also operates on brain candy (yours) as opposed to batteries. A sleeker, compact model called the “Cockroach” is also available.
In a face saving about-face designed to focus on weapons of mass destruction as opposed to women and mistress deception, American counter-terrorist agencies require that all female agents, stenographers, contacts, and family friends wear full body burkas.
India shows it can still stink outside the box(car) when it opts for a cheaper low tech solution to its phew! phew! train problems. It installs giant pooper scoopers in loo of cow catchers.
In a related prediction: The s**t does not hit the fan(ancials) when the U.S hires disgruntled Indian railway workers to catch the money as it falls through the cracks of their fickle cliff.
Holy Smoke! Shortly after his release from house arrest, the Pope’s butler gets burnt at a high stakes poker game in Monaco. Unable to cover his losses, he is disappeared by some Italians of questionable integrity.
Jan 01
|
Vital Statistics |
2012 |
2011 |
2010 |
2009 |
| a Canadian dollar is worth | $ 1.00US | $ 0.98US | $ 1.00US | $ 0.95US |
| a domestic postage stamp costs | $ 0.59 | $ 0.59 | $ 0.57 | $ 0.54 |
| a local Bell pay phone call(if u can find one) | $ 0.50 | $ 0.50 | $ 0.50 | $ 0.50 |
| a liter of Pepsi costs | $ 2.49 | $ 1.99 | $ 2.29 | $ 2.29 |
| a liter of water costs | $ 2.29 | $ 1.99 | $ 1.99 | $ 1.89 |
| a liter of milk costs (purchased in a four liter bag) | $ 1.25 | $ 1.25 | $ 1.32 | $ 1.25 |
| a liter of gasoline costs | $ 1.14 | $ 1.20 | $ 1.13 | $ 0.95 |
| a loaf of bread costs | $ 3.39 | $ 3.39 | $ 2.99 | $ 1.99 |
| a paperback novel costs | $10.99 | $11.99 | $10.99 | $12.99 |
| a weekly (Time) magazine costs | $ 6.99 | $ 6.99 | $ 6.99 | $ 6.99 |
| a comic book costs | $ 2.99 | $ 2.99 | $ 2.99 | $ 2.99 |
| a daily newspaper costs | $ 1.19 | $ 1.19 | $ 1.19 | $ 1.19 |
| a regular bus ride costs | $ 3.30 | $ 3.25 | $ 3.25 | $ 2.30 |
| a medium cup of coffee costs | $ 1.52 | $ 1.40 | $ 1.27 | $ 1.27 |
| a basic cable television package | $37.81 | $36.01 | $31.49 | $29.99 |
| a first run movie rental costs | $ 5.99 | $ 4.99 | $ 4.99 | $ 5.99 |
| an adult movie theatre ticket costs | $10.99 | $10.99 | $10.75 | $10.50 |
| a children’s movie theatre ticket costs | $ 7.99 | $ 7.99 | $ 7.99 | $ 7.99 |
| Minimum wage (Ontario) | $10.25/hr | $10.25/hr | $10.25/hr | $ 9.50/hr |
| an adult men’s haircut | $18.00 | $17.00 | $ 17.00 | $ 15.75 |
| a medium combination pizza | $17.25 | $17.00 | $ 15.50 | $ 15.50 |
Jan 01
Ma will remember 2012 as the year Thing 1 got better.
Pa will remember 2012 as the year Thing 1 got better.
Thing 1 remembers 2012 as the year he rediscovered indoor plumbing.
Most Memorable News Event: Tool gets back together for a 2012 tour
Favourite Pastime: Rendering foolish.
Favourite Game: Smite
Favourite TV Show: Psych!
Favourite Movie: John Carter of Mars
Favourite Song: Domino the Destitute by Coheed and Cambria
Thing 2 remembers 2012 as the year he earned his Black Belt in jiu-jitsu.
Most Memorable News Event: That great computer game sale on Steam
Favourite Pastime: Bugging Ma (booting/bending Pa when Ma is AFKids).
Favourite Game: League of Legends
Favourite TV Show: Psych!
Favourite Movie: John Carter of Mars
Favourite Song: Gangdam Style
Jan 01
I think maybe Pa will definitely try to almost certainly get away to what might be his first live NFL football game.
Ma will get back to looking after herself for a change (starting with her posture).
Thing 1 will cash in on his free trip to a rock concert anywhere in N. America.
Thing 2 will stop bugging ma and pa (except for the car keys).