The lead story about the new Canada War Museum which is opened on the 60^th anniversary of Victory in Europe (VE) day is about the “fruit machine,” a device used during the cold war to determine whether soldiers had homosexual tendencies.

Liberals hang on by a skirt when Belinda Stronach jumps ship to join the Liberals (or rather avoid joining the Bloc Quebecois).

Wendy’s stock and sales plummet when an American woman allegedly finds a severed human finger in her chilli.  When the con is exposed a Wendy’s spokesperson announces the outcome was never in question.

(Hurting) Headitors Note: Forensic specialists agree claiming that, according to their overall findings, “There is as much chance of finding a human finger in their chilli as there is in finding chicken in their chicken fingers.”

It was nothing like his first fairy tale wedding to Princess Diana, but Prince Charles did manage to mark 2005 with an upbeat marriage to his long-time friend and sweetheart, Lady Camilla Bowles-Parker.  Alas, although still a prince,  it was Sir Elton John’s same sex marriage to his long-time friend that would get the royal/fairy tale treatment this time around.

UN Secretary General Kofi Annan was scrambling to respond to allegations that top UN managers helped Saddam Hussein skim huge sums of money from the organization’s $67 billion dollar Oil for Food program in Iraq.  Allegations surround reports of UN agents who bargained with Saddam on behalf of an Oil company run by an Egyptian relative of former UN secretary general Boutros Boutros-Ghali and of a lucrative oil-for-food contract landed by a company who Kofi Annan’s son Kojo was working for.

Canada Post returns 46,500 renewal notices to Gun Registry marked Address Unknown.

On news that they (bombardiaid) are being challenged or at least are not the definite winners of a $1 billion, 20 year Department of Defense flight training contract as its entering the final bid evaluation stage, a Vice President of what Quebec Liberals are (once again) calling a “financially ailing Bombardier” stated that, “…if we were Americans everyone would be pushing the successful company, but Canadians can’t get their minds around success.  There must be something wrong if a company is successful, so I guess everyone feels good now that Bombardier’s kind of on the ropes.”

First Newfoundland refuses to fly the flag over its offices in response to what their Premier claims were unfulfilled Liberal election promises vis a vis offshore oil royalties. Then news breaks that federal officials have signed contracts in China for the manufacture of Canadian flag lapel pins that they are giving away freely at tax-payers expense.  Finally, they track down the original flag that was unveiled over Parliament in 1965 to a dead Liberal MP who took it when he moved to Belgium.  At one point in the negotiations to have it returned, the widow of the deceased threatens to sell it on eBay if Canada doesn’t pony up with what she claims are outstanding pension payments that are due to her.  The Flag is returned just in time for July 1, Canada Day celebrations.

One year after their campaign of doom and gloom predictions and political pressure designed to raise the price on their premiums, Canada’s insurance industry posts a record $4.2 billion profit.  Although policy holders consider a class action law suit, nothing “falls” of it for fear that a win would result in the need for increased insurance premiums.

Drug giant Pfizer Inc. is back(pedaling) in the news again.  This year it has “agreed” to a “request” from regulators to pull their arthritic pain medication, Bextra, off the market in Canada, the U.S. and Europe.   The U.S. Food and Drug Administration has also ”asked” that all other COX-2 inhibitors, such as Celebrex (another Pfizer product), carry the strongest possible warnings about increased risk of heart attack and stroke.

(Hurting) Headitor’s note: Why did you think they called them pain killers?”