Gmaczane

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Date registered: January 6, 2016

Latest posts

  1. 2023 Year-End Review — January 1, 2024
  2. Story of the Year 2023 — January 1, 2024
  3. Newsmaker of the Year 2023 — January 1, 2024
  4. Person of the Year 2023 — January 1, 2024
  5. Feelgood Story of the Year 2023 — January 1, 2024

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Jan 01

New Year Resolutions 2003

Thing 1 is going to get dressed and undressed faster.  His time spent on Nintendo will be inversely proportional to the amount of time we, and his teachers, wait for him to get in and out the door (assuming he ever does go outdoors now that he has Nintendo).

 

Thing 2 is going to learn to stop slipping his hand down his pants (a la Michael Jackson meets Napoleon).

 

Ma (alias Doctor Granny) will learn to take better care of herself since no-one else can – we’re too afraid to get that close.

 

Pa will get a new pair of glasses (because, one pair is not enough to provide the lubrication required to put an interesting spin on an otherwise uneventful year).

Jan 01

New Year Renovations 2003

This year I am told the boy’s “closets will be coming out” (not that I anticipate the need for any preemptive strikes on this particular front).  I am also told that we may be sprucing up the appearance of the front of our house with a pair of new picture windows (which means the boys and I will have to spruce up our acts by wearing a little more cloths around the house – or else I will have to replace the Maple that we removed from the front of the house with a couple of large spruce trees).

Jan 01

2001 Year-End Review

Another year, another reference to Nostradamus’ predictions of Armageddon falls short – but mankind can take solace in the knowledge that hope springs eternal, if not in the minds of mankind as a whole, then at least in the minds of the doomsday cults.

Jan 01

2001 Story of the Year – “Drug Profiteers Lose Big in Game of Supply and Demand”

Canadian Minister of Health, John Rock, puts the welfare of the country ahead of concerns for Drug company patents/profits when he purchases Athrax vaccines from generic companies at substantially less than Bayer would have sold it too us (had they had any in stock).  Despite the immense negative backlash from  Canadian opposition parties, The Establishment and “dah media” against such a political faux pas, it pales by comparison to what Rock’s counterpart in the U.S. has to undergo when American citizens learn that he did not investigate similar opportunities in light of their situation.  The Americans subsequently demand and get the same price from Bayer that the Canadians got from the generic suppliers and the Canadians promise to buy all future orders from Bayer, on the condition that they get the same price that it is being offered to the Americans.

In a related story we hear that, despite all of the hype and horror surrounding the Anthrax attack in U.S. substantially more people were killed and/or sickened by the company that makes the cure for Anthrax. The Pharmaceutical giant, Bayer recalled it’s anti-cholesterol drug, Baycol after it had been linked to 52 deaths.

… Have you had your flu shot yet?

Jan 01

Headlines you won’t see in those mainstream Year-end Reviews 2001

(Hurting) Headitor’s note:  Its late, its New Years Eve, and I’SATIREd, sauced please accept that some (or all) of my wreckollections of the year gone by might be a bit scotchy.  You should double-check my fracts with some more staid and reputable news sources before using any of the stories that I have dismembered from last year in a serious conversation.

Jan 01

“Were the Amish right after all?”

We continue our love hate relationship with IT.  I’m sure IT had noble origins; however, there is no denying that IT has already been blamed for everything from employment and unemployment to an increased life expectancy and, in the same breath, an increased likelihood of global destruction.  If that is not example enough, try this on for size:

Try as they will two consumers (we’ll call them Ma & Pa to maintain anonymity), cannot buy a new minivan with manual windows.  Even the Sport Utility Vehicles  (Jeep Cherokee and the Ford Explorer to name only two) of the 4-wheel drive, off-road rough-set don’t list manual windows or locks as options let alone standard features.

Jan 01

“The buck stops here … no there, no wait a minute!”

Lamenting historically low exchange rates on the Canadian dollar and publicly demanding that the government do something to bolster the perceived value of the Canadian Loonie and our economy on the World stage, Ottawa’s main newspaper decides to raise the price of their daily from 50 to 75 cents (an inflation factor of 50%) on the very week that the most influential financiers from around the world converge on Ottawa for the G20 Finance Summit.

Jan 01

“Deficit Attention Disorder in Ottawa”

Dah media” who, in their anticipation (or instigation) of trouble during the above-mentioned summit meetings, sent roughly one media person for every two activists that were expected to travel to Ottawa.

Jan 01

“Over-time, yours truly finds time and a half is “under par” when ¾ of the cheque goes to Shawinnigan”

The Minister of Finance, the media and the free world lament the plight of the declining Canadian dollar, a probable return to deficit financing and global recession. Despite public efforts to attribute this, not so sudden, economic turn-around to a guy called Bin Laden, all agree that a more sinister force may be (or,  more likely, may not) be at work here in Ottawa. On a potentially related note, Greggle “Bin LaZy” Scruminski doesn’t work a single hour of over-time for the first time in twenty years.  Coincidence…I think not.

Jan 01

“Canadian Man of the Year Award Prompts Preston Manning to Consider a Comeback”

Time magazine votes a relative nobody named John Manley their Canadian of the Year (I’m guessing, because his was the only name their word search found when they entered the word “Man”).  Meanwhile, as all official Canadian political parties have openly questioned their respective leaders’ authority (and/or capacity) to head their party, we now have substantial evidence of what most Canadians have suspected for some time now – politicians really don’t use their heads most of the time.

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