Date registered: January 6, 2016
Jan 01
Q: What is the best way to get rid of over 250 pounds of useless fat?
A: Call a divorce lawyer.
Jan 01
We purchase a new bed that has fewer lumps than I do. This, coupled with our primary goal for 2001, to get new furniture in the living room, should allow me to kiss the chiropractor off forever and maybe get back to an exercise regime that will vault me ahead of the watermelon in nature’s hierarchy of physical activity.
Jan 01
To get organized – mentally, physically, financially, professionally and logistically.
Honorable Mention: Obtain a breast reduction and/or Steel Radial “D” cup.
Jan 01
After successfully renegotiating a contract to bring his salary in line with the rest of the team, the New York Yankee’s water boy, performs a hostile takeover on Bill Gates and Microsoft.
The WWF’s fledgling XFL Football league becomes America’s most watched broadcast when they substitute the tradition of the “spike dance” after touchdowns with gang rapes of the opposing team’s cheerleaders.
The Canadian Government (a.k.a. HRDC) tightens up its spending habits thus plunging the world into the next Great Depression.
Jean Cretien marries Queen Elizabeth II and they vow to rule “happily ever after” (upon hearing the news Prince Charles, Paul Martin and the Canadian Public commit mass suicide).
Following the success of all the comeback tours of 2000, and in anticipation that tomorrow’s music will be no better that today’s, the major record companies take the next logical marketing step after their “Unplugged” recordings by releasing a rash of “Exhumed” recordings.
The Nobel Peace Prize is awarded to Dr. Bette R. Feedthing II for her development of genetically re-engineered vegetables that are not green.
Jan 01
In a poorly veiled attempt to buy votes in Quebec all parties bend over backwards to grant Quebec nationhood, which technically makes them our second nation after the aboriginal first nations thereby dropping the rest of us to …3rd? On a happier note, as our Second nation within Canada they have no right to anything that they are reluctant to grant the First Nations within their borders and that’s Oka with me.