Category Archive: Wreckollection
Jan 01
Sleeper Story of the Year 2016
Sleeper Story of the Year: “Warm-up for Global Warming?”
The Crystal Serenity became the first cruise ship to ever navigate the Northwest Passage. More than 1000 passengers paid as much as $155,000US to participate in the historic 32 day voyage over 7,297 nautical miles. A second cruise is being scheduled to depart in 2017.
Jan 01
Statistic of the Year 2016
Statistic of the Year: “The United States is home to 5% of the world’s population but 25% of the world’s prisoners… African Americans make up 6.5% of the American population but 40.2% of the prison populace… While a white male has a 1 in 17 chance of ending up behind bars, for black males it is 1 in 3… The American prison population rose from 196,441 in 1970 to nearly 2.3 million today?”
— a 2016 film documentary entitled. “13th” by Ava DuVernay
Runner Up: Canadians owe $1.68 in household debt for every $1 they make after tax. In September, Statistics Canada reported household liabilities rose to 100.5 per cent of GDP, exceeding the size of its economy for the first time. This means Canadians now owe more than they produce with a higher household debt ratio than any other G-7 country.
Jan 01
Innovation of the Year 2016
Innovation of the Year: Microsoft Skype Translator
This seems to be the innovation that is most readily available now for the universal use of everyone.
See the rest of the field at: http://www.popsci.com/best-whats-new
Jan 01
Movie of the Year 2016
Movie of the Year: Hacksaw Ridge
A war movie whose hero is saving lives as opposed to taking them. Caveat Exempt Her! The movie opens with a touching romantic subplot; however, over 20,000 Americans died at Okinawa and only 7,000 of its 106,000 Japanese defenders survived. Hacksaw Ridge is extremely graphic and perhaps the goriest movie I have ever seen. The Japanese Army’s suicidal defense of Okinawa was a contributing factor leading to America’s decision to use atomic bombs on Hiroshima and Nagasaki.
Honorable mention:
Food Choices: A little documentary with an important message. First choose to watch this doc and then decide what you can do today to: 1) save yourself; 2) save your money; and 3) save the planet. Alternatively you can choose the status quo (to trust the Food Processing Industry and the Big Drug profiteers to continue look out for you, your money and your planet).
13th: The 13th amendment to the American constitution abolished slavery except as a punishment for a crime. This is a convincing documentary about how that caveat was and is being exploited in support of the continued enslavement of African Americans.
What everyone else liked: http://boxofficemojo.com/yearly/chart/?yr=2016&p=.htm
Over half (29) of the top 50 movies at the box office in 2016 were either remakes or sequels of previous franchises.
Jan 01
Song of the Year 2016
Song of the Year: Humble and Kind by Tim McGraw
In a year that has been anything but uplifting, this is an inspirational country song that is not about trucks, tractors, whiskey, divorce, and/or all of the above.
Honourable mention:
Feel Invincible by Skillet
Stick To Your Guns by Sick Puppies
Flotscrum’s Twenty-Twone Alternative for the Billbored for the Year 2016
Jan 01
Best Read of the Year 2016:
Best Read of the Year: www.flotscrum.com
A tongue in cheek, naval grazer’s buffet of lintellectual iniespiration, because opinions are like belly-buttons and, although everyone has one, mine is very, very deep (its words, not mine).
Hurting Headitors Note: Although the National Inquirer probably trumped Flotscrum (and perhaps even the bible) in terms of American readership last year, I elect to limit this award to works that cater to a thinking person.
What the other guys liked: https://www.goodreads.com/book/popular_by_date/2016
Jan 01
Quote of the Year 2016
Quote of the Year: “That makes me smart.”
—Donald Trump on a claim that for many years he may not have paid federal income tax.
Jan 01
Other Awards 2016
My “Totalitarian Mad Hater” award goes to… Donald Trump’s Campaign Hats
There’s trumpthing about that ball cap the Donald was sporting in his rallies that shouted, “gadaffi my podium I hat trumpthing to say so shut up and listen or those of you that I will not be putin in prison will be Libyan this country on a rail”.
My “Armegeddon Concerned (or We’ll Laugh Until We Die)” award goes to James “Mad Dog” Mattis.
Although many of his cabinet appointments have frightened some onlookers, only the Donald’s new Secretary of Defense came replete with a kick-ass nickname. On a more positive note, nuclear holocaust trumps global warming and this may be the Donald’s master plan for permanently putting our fears of global warming on the back burner.
My “Cover-Up Story of the Year” goes to… the burkini.
French officials uncover a sinister plot to expose their preponderance for skimping on women’s fashion (and selling boatloads of sunscreen, commercials and fashionably expensive beach-ware). They ban the burkini on their beaches on the grounds that it is in contravention of public safety (and every woman’s human right to be burned by the sun and/or the fashion marketing and retail guys).
Runner Up: This piece of “fake news” about Iran’s Olympic Television Coverage.
My “Cop-Out of the Year” award goes to… the Brexit Leadership
After espousing a campaign of righteous indignation and bald faced lies that led the British to vote to leave the European Union, these old boys then elected to themselves exit that Brexit movement and let someone else handle the reality of what they had promised.
My “Hottest Product Launch” award goes to… Samsung’s Galaxy Note 7
Clingy friends, parents and telemarketers were no longer the only ones “blowing up” your phone when Samsung’s latest smart phone exploded onto the market (and everywhere else). After 35 reported incidents of overheating smartphones worldwide, Samsung made the unprecedented decision to recall every single one of the Galaxy Note 7 smartphones.
My “A Reality Check May Be in Order” award goes to… Kim Kardashian
Although famous for being famous we weren’t hearing much out of this reality show celebrity until she famously got robbed of about $10 million worth of famous jewels that she had been famously flashing on social media all week leading up this now famous heist. Wow I could go on about the sketchy implications of all this in the midst of famous divorce proceedings that may or may not be pending with her famous husband but, in a year that is famous for fake news, Kanye blame me if I leave the West to your imagination.
My ” dOh! Canada” award goes to… Ontario Prison Officials.
A human rights commissioner accidentally discovers Adam Capay, a Canadian citizen has been languishing alone, without a trial in a windowless, constantly lit cell for no less than 23 hours a day over the past 4 and a quarter years (1,560 days). Alas it was not in some 3rd World totalitarian regime, but rather right here in Thunder Bay, Ontario. Although the United Nations “Mandela Rule” claims that anything above 15 days may constitute cruel and inhumane treatment, or even torture, Ontario correctional authorities maintain that they are simply protecting (and/or protecting the shit out of) Adam in what they call “administrative segregation”.
My “Fake Story of the Year“ award goes to…
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Just about everything emanating from Donald Trump’s head;
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Everything emanating from Political Pollsters;
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Just about everything else that is broadcast as news but which is actually someone expressing an (expert?) opinion on what might have happened (in the absence of fact) and/or might happen when (or if) something actually happens. Wince. Repeat.
My “Stop, Bang!… or I’ll Shoot” award goes to… Jonathan Aledda
This Miami police officer shot an unarmed black caregiver who was literally laying in the street with his hands raised and opened. When asked why, he allegedly responded, “I don’t know” before later officially indicating that he meant to shoot the autistic boy that the caregiver was attending to (and in spite of the caregiver’s repeated assurances that the boy was autistic, harmless, and only holding a toy truck). This was just one of many unnecessary shootings of innocent black men in a summer of racially charged tension and confrontations.
My “When They Don’t Find You Handsome, You’d Better be Handy” award goes to… Dr. Norman Barwin
After having already admitted to inseminating four women with the wrong sperm over a 21-year period, this Do-It-Yourself Doctor Frankensperm from Ottawa has his hands full again with a potential class-action lawsuit alleging that he inseminated at least two women with his own sperm.
Jan 01
Headlines You Won’t See in the Mainstream Year-End Reviews
“Middle Eastern Men Go Nuts Around Cologne”
The year opened with reports out of Germany of bold and sometimes terrible assaults perpetrated on women by men of North African and Middle Eastern origin during public New Year celebrations in Cologne’s streets.
“Families Forced to Flee from Fort McFiery”
No lives were lost as the entire population of the Fort McMurray, a Canadian city of 90,000, was hastily evacuated from the path of a massive wildfire that was dubbed, “The Beast”. The fire which was at times reaching temperatures of 1000 degrees C, claimed almost 2,000 structures in a matter of hours and caused at least $3.6 billion in damage making it the most expensive disaster in Canadian history. Having already burned 589,552 hectares (1,456,810 acres) it is now the 3rd largest Canadian forest fire on record. Six months after it sent the population of Fort McMurray fleeing, the wildfire is still burning.
“Canadian Dream is Stone-wallooned by another French Minority”
In a year when globalization has been taking its oompah loompas from multiple quarters, the Canadian Trade Minister goes willie wonkers when Wallonia, a small French speaking province in Belgium, almost skittles Canada’s hopes for a free trade deal with the European Union. At the risk of candy-coating this story s’more, the Walloons were attempting to stand guard for thee and everyone else because they believe that once the treaty is ratified only a multi-national corporation would be able to pre-side over disagreements between two or more member states.
“Canadian Coast Guard is Tu-be on Look-Out for More American Boat People”
In August, 1500 American tubers land in Sarnia, Ontario. Although they claim they were blown off course, Canadian authorities suspect they were participating in a “not-so-dry” run of their contingency escape plan should the wrong presidential candidate win their election. Regardless, additional resources are expected tu-be “pumped” into Canadian border services to combat an “over-inflated” state of desperation south of the border.
Ref: http://www.macleans.ca/news/1500-rafters-rescued-after-windy-port-huron-float-down/
“Electile Dysfunction (or Trumpthings Wrong Down There Doc)”
Unbelievable! I wouldn’t have believed it unless I sawed it myself. The Psychology Today magazine has already begun tracking a new strain of PTSD that they have dubbed Post Trump Stress Disorder.
Ref: https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/psych-unseen/201611/understanding-post-trump-stress-disorder
“Pokémon Go all Terminator on Our Masses”
A new game for smart phones called Pokémon GO is all the rage as everyone everywhere is going out of their way in an attempt to catch them all. It’s not all fun and games though. Although I cannot confirm or deny that any eyes have been lost, there have been a few reported Pikachu-tings with no less than 12 deaths and 53 serious game related injuries making headlines around the world.
“Sky Nets First Victim”
While on the subject of terminators, the Tesla S (for Skynet?) claimed its first victim when it autonomously careened though a truck trailer. Tesla speculated that, “against a bright spring sky, the car’s sensor system failed to distinguish a large white 18-wheel truck and trailer crossing the highway.” Earlier in the year one of Google’s self-driving Lexus SUVs drove into the side of a bus at low speed. Cyberbots start your engines. Let the robocalypse begin.
Related Stats:
– This was the first known fatality in just over 130 million miles of Tesla driving with autopilot activated. Among all normal vehicles in the US, there is a fatality every 94 million miles. Worldwide, there is a fatality approximately every 60 million miles.
– A University of Michigan Transportation Research Institute study published in October 2015 found that, per million miles traveled, self-driving cars had a higher crash rate than traditional cars; however, at the time of the study, no self-driving cars had ever been found at fault for the crashes they were involved in.
“Drone Forget to Look Up… Waaay Up”
While on the subject of SkyNets, a British firm has developed a net-launching anti-drone bazooka. No coincidence, given that this was the year that: 1) drones were figuratively (if not diabolically) flying off the shelves over the Christmas season; 2) Amazon made it’s first official delivery using a drone; and 3) a Canadian passenger jet’s flight crew sustained minor injuries when it had to perform an evasive maneuver at 10,000 feet to avoid what they thought was a drone.
“X Parks the Spot”
Elon Musk’s Space X successfully landed with precision accuracy on a drone ship at sea not once but 4 times (plus twice on Land). Several remarkable steps for reusable rockets and one might even say that, in nailing those landings, he has delivered one more nail in the coffin of what we used to call SciFi space travel.
“What blows up, can’t come down”
Seven was not Elon’s lucky number. When endeavouring to complete another big deal (without a big-splash), the Space X rocket exploded before take-off. No earthlings died but lots of Facebook (if not face) was definitely lost. Facebook CEO Mark Zuckerburg indicated that he disliked losing the pricy $200 million Facebook communications satellite that was aboard.
“Dumb Waiters & Other Questionable Logic from a People’s Republic”
China, which boasts the world’s largest human workforce, is investing heavily in robotics designed to replace those workers. Foxconn, a supplier to Apple and Samsung has reportedly replaced 60,000 workers in one factory with robots. More companies are expected to follow their lead. Meanwhile, two of three restaurants that introduced robotic waiters in the city of Guangzhou have gone out of business while the third has fired their robots.
“Ironic State is Losing their Faith, their War, and Allah their Pretentions of Moral High Ground”
A column of not-so brave (or true Muslim) Ironic State gangsters flee Manbij confident that although Allah is probably not inclined to intervene on their behalves, they can rely on faith in the fact that Allah and the maniacally, murderous soldiers of the Great Satan will opt to save the lives of their human shield of Muslim women and children. Elsewhere we find that our ironic friends are not so adverse to gunning down Muslim women, children and anyone else that attempts to flee their territory.
“Canadian Women do Rio Well at the Games”
Our women (and one 13-year-old show jumping mare) won 17 of Canada’s 22 Medals but this is not surprising when the vast majority of today’s men tend to be more inclined to perform their fast twitch muscle repetitions with a gaming console in their laps as opposed to doing laps.
“Creepy Clowns! What Creepy Clowns?”
Authorities assured us that there was nothing to fear from a wave of creepy clown sightings across North America. Most people didn’t even notice with all the other clowns popping up around (and on the podium) in those yuckbiquitous political leadership races that dominated the news on both sides of the border.