Category Archive: Wreckollection

Jan 01

New Words 2015

The following new words have been recognized by the Oxford, Cambridge and Merriam-Webster dictionaries over the course of 2015.

 

butt-dial (v.): Inadvertently call (someone) on a mobile phone in one’s rear trouser pocket, as a result of pressure being accidentally applied to a button or buttons on the phone;

 

emoji (n.): Any small image or icon used in electronic communication;

 

fur baby (n.):  A person’s dog, cat, or other furry pet animal;

 

hangry (adj.): Bad-tempered or irritable as a result of hunger;

 

jeggings (n.): A legging that is designed to resemble a tight-fitting pair of denim jeans and is made of a stretchable fabric;

 

Mx (n.): A title, like Mr. or Ms., used by those who wish to avoid specifying their gender;

 

photobomb (v.): To move into the frame of a photograph as it is being taken as a joke or prank;

 

pwn (v.): (Especially in video gaming) utterly defeat (an opponent or rival);

 

rage-quit (v.): Angrily abandon an activity or pursuit that has become frustrating;

 

rando (n.):  A person one does not know, especially one regarded as odd, suspicious, or engaging in socially inappropriate behavior;

 

twerk (v.):  Sexually suggestive dancing characterized by rapid, repeated hip thrusts and shaking of the buttocks, especially while squatting;

 

WTF (abbrev.) What the f—!  Used especially to express or describe outraged surprise, recklessness, confusion or bemusement;

 

Bonus entry [from yours truly]

 pocket yoga (n.): what guys do when we get to the cash window at a drive through.

 

Jan 01

Vital Statistics 2015

 

Vital Statistics

2015

2014

2013

2012

a Canadian dollar is worth $  0.72US $  0.86US $  0.94US $  1.00US
a domestic postage stamp costs $  1.00 $  1.00 $  0.63 $  0.59
a local Bell pay phone call(if u can find one) $  0.50 $  0.50 $  0.50 $  0.50
a liter of Pepsi costs $  2.49 $  2.49 $  2.49 $  2.49
a liter of water costs $  2.49 $  2.49 $  2.39 $  2.29
a liter of milk costs (purchased in a four liter bag) $  1.00 $  1.00 $  1.35 $  1.25
a liter of gasoline costs $  0.81 $  0.94 $  1.27 $  1.14
a loaf of bread costs $  3.19 $  3.49 $  3.49 $  3.39
a paperback novel costs $11.99 $11.99 $10.99 $10.99
a weekly (Time) magazine costs $  6.99 $  6.99 $  6.99 $  6.99
a comic book costs $  3.99 $  3.99 $  2.99 $  2.99
a daily newspaper costs $  1.52 $  1.52 $  1.43 $  1.19
a regular bus ride costs $  3.55 $  3.45 $  3.40 $  3.30
a medium cup of coffee costs $  1.57 $  1.57 $  1.52 $  1.52
a basic cable television package $40.48 $39.48 $38.67 $37.81
a first run movie rental costs $  5.99 $  5.99 $  4.99 $  5.99
an adult movie theatre ticket costs $10.99 $10.99 $10.99 $10.99
a children’s movie theatre ticket costs $  8.50 $  7.99 $  7.99 $  7.99
Minimum wage (Ontario) $11.25/hr $11.00/hr $10.25/hr $10.25/hr
an adult men’s haircut $19.00 $19.00 $18.00 $18.00
a medium combination pizza $16.75 $15.75 $16.25 $17.25

Bonus – Other Vital Stat Meters at a Glance:   http://www.worldometers.info/

 

Jan 01

Predictions for the Year 2016

A tastefully clothed Easter Bunny graces the cover of the first ever nudeless Playboy magazine.  The following month, the cover depicts a spartanly armoured, but dead, Energizer Bunny being carried back to the Playboy mansion on his drum.

Apple Inc. unveils its latest round of innovation with an announcement that last year’s small fee for annual upgrades will now be much larger.   

Muslims relocated to the West sue for divorce and demand half of everything based on the precedent set by divorce law which has already deemed that the inability of a wife to change the qualities that allegedly attracted them to their husbands represents irreconcilable difference and grounds for divorce.

Frenchmen demand compensation in the form of American military aid on the grounds that ever since Nikita, their only bona fide action hero,  left for Hollywood, they have been both defenceless and terrified.

Ex-FIFA president Sepp Blatter is hired by Volkswagen in an attempt to salvage their reputation.  He immediately changes the name of their troubled VW Golf brand to the VW Ypres and bribes the EPA to look the other way so he can finally release a successful German gas attack on the West.

Millions of Muslims fleeing the death and terror of Hajj, flood into Europe.  Sadly most die enroute to Germany due to asphyxiation from the Volkswagen buses they are crammed into.

A new men’s endurance event called childbirth is introduced as a demonstrator sport at the 2016 Summer Olympics. It draws rave reviews from a record female viewing audience that eclipses the combined audiences of all other events combined.

Terrorism is eradicated when the death penalty is replaced by a life sentence of simulated childbirth proving there are some things that not even 72 virgins can inspire in impressionable young lunatics.  The Muslim world experiences a renaissance of its golden age when the same deterrent also leads to a greater respect for women’s rights.

Donald Trump wigs out when he loses the US Presidential election to Hillary Clinton.  He immediately fires his campaign advisor, an unemployed Canadian Prime Sinister, for the complete failure of his, “She doesn’t have the balls to be president. Nice hair though.” attack ads.

Jan 01

Memory Lane at Our House 2015

Ma will remember 2015 as the year she got zero home renovations (and survived Pa’s cooking).

 

Pa will remember 2015 as the year he retired, found a doctor and was deserted by his right mind (ergo the left side of his body).

 

Thing 1 remembers 2015 as the year he ditched his braces and attended not one but two Japanese rock concerts.

Most Memorable News Event: Terrorist Attacks & Random Shootings

Favourite Pastime: Anything Japanese

Favourite Game: League of Legends

Favourite TV Show: Grimm

Favourite Movie: Kingsman: The Secret Service

Favourite Song:   Gone by Coldrain

 

Thing 2 remembers 2015 as the year he graduated high school, travelled to Mexico and started his 1st year at college.

Most Memorable News Event: Falcon 9 Space Booster Landing

Favourite Pastime:  Pushing his mother’s buttons

Favourite Game: Stepping over stacks of cloths at his bedroom door.

Favourite TV Show: Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Favourite Movie: Ant-Man

Favourite Song:  Cha-Ching by the Bank Accounts

Jan 01

New Year Resolutions 2016

Pa will plant a new front lawn that is guaranteed against fire-breathing locusts and the apocalypse.   

 

Ma will stop giving her bankers money for nothing.

 

Thing 1 will learn that feelings are not all that bad.

 

Thing 2 will get out more (without his f-bomb).

Jan 01

New Year Renovations 2016

It’s time to come out of the closet and give those back bedrooms a face-lift.

 

Jan 01

Epilogue 2015

There you have it. That’s the year as my functioning brain cells remembered it with enough computer cross-references to confirm that even I can’t make this stuff up (because computers don’t lie – unless they’re German).

Jan 01

2014 Year-end Review

The Chinese called it the Year of the Horse.  The United Nations dubbed 2014 the International Year of Small Island Developing States (SIDS). UNESCO calls it the their International Year of  Family Farming.  It was the year that Ford’s Mustang and the Sugar Bear turned 50.  The concept of an 8-hour workday turned 100 years old.  It was introduced by Henry Ford to offset monotony induced  high turnover rates experienced on the assembly lines he introduced the year before.  2014 also marked the 100th anniversary of:

  • the opening of the Panama Canal
  • the 1st major oil discovery in western Canada (at Turner Valley)
  • the Coleman Lamp
  • the Tinkertoy Construction Set
  • Wrigley Doublemint gum
  • Babe Ruth’s 1st major league baseball game
  • Charlie Chaplin‘s 1st motion picture  
  • the sinking of the RMS Empress of Ireland in the Gulf of St. Lawrence; (1,012 lives are lost).
  • Green Beer (on St. Patrick’s Day)
  • the Assassination of Archduke Franz Ferdinand of Austria:
  • the commencement of World War I
  • the 1st ship to be torpedoed & sunk by a submarine
  • Canadian Automobile Machine Gun Brigade is the 1st fully mechanized unit in the British Army

 

Sadly we lost more than we found in 2014.

 

The world lost a couple Asian airplanes and over 300 (and counting) Nigerian school girls.  Scotland lost its bid for independence. I’ll stop there because its a long list that runs on and on (and fortunately I lost that too).

 

The finds were few and far between but Canada did manage to find the wreck of one of two ships that have been missing for over a century and a half.

 

The only thing I found this year is a new “black” whisky muse to help lubricate my unhinged recollection of the last year’s events.  Don’t worry though, I will try not to let its color spill over into my memories of the past year. I am still the boss of me and a glass half full (so I don’t spill any) kind of guy, so relax while I try to spin something positive into an otherwise dark, no news is good news kind of year.

Jan 01

Story of the Year 2014

Oil prices suddenly go into freefall despite chaos in the world of oil producers.  

In a year predicated with problems afflicting all of the oil producers of the world, oil prices plummet.  The last time I saw mark downs of this kind. I was being offered vinyl record albums at half their normal values one year before they became obsolete.

Jan 01

Person(s) of the Year 2014

Barbara Winters, Margaret Lerhe, Martin Magnan

 

Some ordinary Canadian heroes who rushed to aid the soldier shot at the Ottawa  cenotaph even as the whack-job with the gun was still present.

 

“Lerhe, a nurse, and Magnan, a communications adviser with the Department of National Defence, had a direct view of the shooter. Still, they darted toward the fallen soldier. So did Winters, a government lawyer.”

Source: http://www.macleans.ca/news/canada/ordinary-heroes-the-ottawa-shooting-bystanders/

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