In a year that opened with anything but a Kodak moment, and despite surviving the latest predicted apocalypse (and a thousand Hollywood spinoffs) we learn that everyone’s heads are in varying shades of a dark place. The girls have invested all of their time and money in the Shades of Grey novel while their men were preoccupied with the second coming of the Black Ops video game.
Category Archive: Wreckollection
Jan 01
New Words 2012
If you think I’m making this up, have a look at the following words that were officially recognized by mainstream dictionaries last year:
Bucket list: a list of things that one has not done before but wants to do before dying
Yolo: an acronym popularised in social media for “you only live once”.
Cloud computing: storing and sharing your computer data and applications on the internet as opposed to on your own computer.
Earworm: a song or melody that keeps repeating in one’s mind
F-bomb: a lighthearted and printable version of mother of all four letter euphemisms.
Mummy porn: the genre exemplified by the best-selling 50 Shades book series,
Sexting: the sending of sexually explicit messages or images by cell phone
Oojamaflip: a thing whose name is temporarily forgotten.
Verbal diarrhoea: a tendency to speak at excessive length.
Floordrobe: a pile of clothes left on the floor of a room.
Hangry: irritable as a result of feeling hungry.
Omnishambles: A situation that has been comprehensively mismanaged, characterized by a string of blunders and miscalculations.
Squadoosh: nothing.
Jan 01
Predictions for the Year 2013
Face Book becomes the darling of the stock exchange when investors realize that there is a fine line between shirtless and topless. Abreast of this revelation its stock prices bounce back.
Conservatives celebrate as Canadians wake up penniless in February. Later that month the Finance Minister rounds GST up to 10ȼ and declares Canada will be debt free by year end.
Nomophobes rejoice as Google releases it’s “Apocalypse” family of smart phones. The “Zombie” actually screens all of your calls, organizes, thinks and speaks for you. It also operates on brain candy (yours) as opposed to batteries. A sleeker, compact model called the “Cockroach” is also available.
In a face saving about-face designed to focus on weapons of mass destruction as opposed to women and mistress deception, American counter-terrorist agencies require that all female agents, stenographers, contacts, and family friends wear full body burkas.
India shows it can still stink outside the box(car) when it opts for a cheaper low tech solution to its phew! phew! train problems. It installs giant pooper scoopers in loo of cow catchers.
In a related prediction: The s**t does not hit the fan(ancials) when the U.S hires disgruntled Indian railway workers to catch the money as it falls through the cracks of their fickle cliff.
Holy Smoke! Shortly after his release from house arrest, the Pope’s butler gets burnt at a high stakes poker game in Monaco. Unable to cover his losses, he is disappeared by some Italians of questionable integrity.
Jan 01
Vital Statistics 2012
|
Vital Statistics |
2012 |
2011 |
2010 |
2009 |
| a Canadian dollar is worth | $ 1.00US | $ 0.98US | $ 1.00US | $ 0.95US |
| a domestic postage stamp costs | $ 0.59 | $ 0.59 | $ 0.57 | $ 0.54 |
| a local Bell pay phone call(if u can find one) | $ 0.50 | $ 0.50 | $ 0.50 | $ 0.50 |
| a liter of Pepsi costs | $ 2.49 | $ 1.99 | $ 2.29 | $ 2.29 |
| a liter of water costs | $ 2.29 | $ 1.99 | $ 1.99 | $ 1.89 |
| a liter of milk costs (purchased in a four liter bag) | $ 1.25 | $ 1.25 | $ 1.32 | $ 1.25 |
| a liter of gasoline costs | $ 1.14 | $ 1.20 | $ 1.13 | $ 0.95 |
| a loaf of bread costs | $ 3.39 | $ 3.39 | $ 2.99 | $ 1.99 |
| a paperback novel costs | $10.99 | $11.99 | $10.99 | $12.99 |
| a weekly (Time) magazine costs | $ 6.99 | $ 6.99 | $ 6.99 | $ 6.99 |
| a comic book costs | $ 2.99 | $ 2.99 | $ 2.99 | $ 2.99 |
| a daily newspaper costs | $ 1.19 | $ 1.19 | $ 1.19 | $ 1.19 |
| a regular bus ride costs | $ 3.30 | $ 3.25 | $ 3.25 | $ 2.30 |
| a medium cup of coffee costs | $ 1.52 | $ 1.40 | $ 1.27 | $ 1.27 |
| a basic cable television package | $37.81 | $36.01 | $31.49 | $29.99 |
| a first run movie rental costs | $ 5.99 | $ 4.99 | $ 4.99 | $ 5.99 |
| an adult movie theatre ticket costs | $10.99 | $10.99 | $10.75 | $10.50 |
| a children’s movie theatre ticket costs | $ 7.99 | $ 7.99 | $ 7.99 | $ 7.99 |
| Minimum wage (Ontario) | $10.25/hr | $10.25/hr | $10.25/hr | $ 9.50/hr |
| an adult men’s haircut | $18.00 | $17.00 | $ 17.00 | $ 15.75 |
| a medium combination pizza | $17.25 | $17.00 | $ 15.50 | $ 15.50 |
Jan 01
Memory Lane at Our House 2012
Ma will remember 2012 as the year Thing 1 got better.
Pa will remember 2012 as the year Thing 1 got better.
Thing 1 remembers 2012 as the year he rediscovered indoor plumbing.
Most Memorable News Event: Tool gets back together for a 2012 tour
Favourite Pastime: Rendering foolish.
Favourite Game: Smite
Favourite TV Show: Psych!
Favourite Movie: John Carter of Mars
Favourite Song: Domino the Destitute by Coheed and Cambria
Thing 2 remembers 2012 as the year he earned his Black Belt in jiu-jitsu.
Most Memorable News Event: That great computer game sale on Steam
Favourite Pastime: Bugging Ma (booting/bending Pa when Ma is AFKids).
Favourite Game: League of Legends
Favourite TV Show: Psych!
Favourite Movie: John Carter of Mars
Favourite Song: Gangdam Style
Jan 01
New Year Resolutions 2013
I think maybe Pa will definitely try to almost certainly get away to what might be his first live NFL football game.
Ma will get back to looking after herself for a change (starting with her posture).
Thing 1 will cash in on his free trip to a rock concert anywhere in N. America.
Thing 2 will stop bugging ma and pa (except for the car keys).
Jan 01
New Year Renovations 2013
To be determined.
Something might still be cooking in the kitchen but every time I open the oven the fire alarm goes off.
Jan 01
Epilogue 2012
And there you have it. Based on the understanding that no news is good news, 2012 will be remembered as a terrifically good year. The hot new words (sqadoosh) and events (gangdam style) pretty much sum it up for what it was.
Jan 01
2011 Year-end Review
The Chinese called it the Year of the Rabbit. The United Nations dubbed 2011 the International Year of the Forest. It was also celebrated as the International Year of Chemistry, International Year for People of African Descent and World Veterinary Year. It was the year that the Beatles and Manned Space Flight turned 50. The Indianapolis500 turned 100 years old. 2011 also marked the 100th anniversary of:
- International Women’s Day;
- Parks Canada
- Naval aviation (the 1st time an aircraft lands on a ship)
- Crisco oil
- the electric starter (now the only cranky thing in a car is its driver)
- the arrival of Roald Amundsen’s expedition at the South Pole.
- the Austin Dam collapse that wiped out the town of Austin, Pennsylvania, killing 78.
- The 1st Monte Carlo race.
- The 1st motion picture studio in Hollywood (Nestor Motion Picture Co.)
- The song, “Alexander’s Ragtime Band“ by Irving Berlin
In honour of the Chinese Year of the Rabbit, Halloween (October 31st) was just a little scarier last year as the UN announced it marked the birth of the 7 billionth earthling. Moreover, 2011 was also littered with other subtle reminders of mankind’s not so litter habit of littering the globe with litter ones such as the fact that, commencing last January 1, between 7,000 and 10,000 North American baby boomers were turning 65 every day (and will continue to do so for next 19 years ending 2030).
The good news is that, as one of those aging boomers, I am not remembering so well these days so this is bound to be shorter than my prior year-end reviews. The bad news is that bad news is pretty much all that I expect we are going to encounter in the following pages. Those of you who prefer not to be reminded should probably skip ahead to my (always optimistic) Predictions for the Year 2011.
For those who haven’t heeded my warning, buckle up your galoshes and let’s wade into this latest installment of my annual awards and stories.
Jan 01
Story of the Year for 2011
Earthquake and Tsunami in Japan
The magnitude 9.0 earthquake that occurred off the coast of Japan on Friday, 11 March 2011 was the most powerful earthquake ever to have hit Japan. The earthquake triggered powerful tsunami waves that reached heights of up to 40.5 metres (133 ft) and traveled as far as 10 km (6 mi) inland. The earthquake moved Honshu 2.4 m (8 ft) east and shifted the Earth on its axis by estimates of between 10 cm (4 in) and 25 cm (10 in).
The Death toll sits at 15,844 deaths, 5,890 injured and 3,451 people missing as well as over 125,000 buildings damaged or destroyed including the ongoing meltdowns at three reactors in the Fukushima I Nuclear Power Plant complex. The World Bank estimated the total economic cost at US$235 billion, making it the most expensive natural disaster in world history.