Category Archive: Wreckollection

Jan 01

Quote of the Year 2011

“Barack Obama is the first black man in history ever to have to prove he killed someone”

— Seth Meyers Saturday Night Live news spoof (in response to conspiracy theories that Osama bin Laden’s death was staged).

Runner up:

“I haven’t been a very good boyfriend… we haven’t always gotten along, Canada. We’ve bickered at times and you’ve been reluctant to commit. So let’s get married!”

— Scott Feschuk, Maclean’s Magazine humour columnist’s interpretation of Steven Harper’s 2011 campaign message.

Jan 01

Joke of the Year 2011

“I needed a password eight characters long so I picked Snow White and the Seven Dwarves.” — Nick Helm

Jan 01

My “Greecing the Wheels of Government” award goes to… the ruling Canadian Conservative Party

While the rest of the world is battling the costs of government largesse and entitlement, our “less government” party floats legislation that will add 33 additional members of Parliament, all of them imminent back-benchers who will have as much say on legislation as I have on the outcome of the next Olympic Dance Pairs competition.

Jan 01

My “Harder Than Diamonds” award goes to… Alexion Pharmaceuticals

There are currently over 80 Canadians suffering from a rare and fatal blood disease called PNH. This year all of the Canadian Provinces agreed to pay the $500,000 per patient per year (for the rest of their lives) that is being asked for a drug that will restore health and longevity to those patients.  Soliris is the world’s most expensive drug. The only thing harder than the accountant and/or CEO that can put that kind of a price on a human life is imagining what kind of production process could possibly cost that amount of money.

Jan 01

My “Eh #1” award goes to… Canada

For the second year in a row Canada is ranked the world’s Number 1 national brand (in terms of tourism).

Jan 01

My “Newton’s Apple” award goes to… collapsing infrastructure

While our politicians and regulators dodge issues and we dodge falling bridges, tunnels and the odd satellite we learn that:

 

  1. there is an estimated infrastructure deficit of $123 Billion in Canadian towns and cities today (more than double the $60B that it was estimated to be in 2003); and
  2. experts predict Canada could face a shortfall of up to one million skilled tradespeople by 2020.

 

That’s right folks! The western world wrings its hands and twiddles its thumbs while worrying about finding the megabucks it will take to send junior (and juniette) to university so they can compete with billions of Asian and European graduates who can also “just phone it in” on their shiny new smart phones at a much lower rate of pay (that cannot be taxed in this country).  Meanwhile our over educated but unskilled populace is unqualified for those jobs that will never be able to be handled at a call centre or sweat shop in the developing world.  Read more here.

Jan 01

My “HeyZeus H. Holiday Baby, Tomayto, Tamato” award goes to… “Honour Killing”

Just another multicultural misunderstanding where one man’s honour is another man’s freakish obsessive-compulsive control psychopathy.   After drowning two daughters and one(?) wife in a Kingston, Ontario canal lock, this loving Canadian(?) father, his other(?) wife and one son are dragged before “His Honour” to answer for that crime (oops) honourable undertaking of familial love.  The verdict is not in yet as court was adjourned for the HolidayBabymas break.

Jan 01

My “Court Ruling of the Year” award goes to… Quebec Superior Court

A $6Million defamation suit brought by Barrick Gold, the world’s largest gold mining company, against the Quebec authors of a book critical of mining practices in Africa is thrown out of court when the judge learns they filed the suit without ever having had the opportunity to learn what was in the book. In a province that, according to many headlines this year would seem the epitome, if not the defining authority on corruption, collusion, intimidation and unusual court rulings, this is good news (and it only took seven pages and half a bottle of muse to find it).

Jan 01

Headlines you won’t see in those mainstream Year-end Reviews 2011

(Hurting) Headitor’s note:  Its late, its New Years Eve, and I’SATIREd, sauced please accept that some (or all) of my wreckollections of the year gone by might be a bit scotchy.  You should double-check my fracts with some more staid and reputable news sources before using any of the stories that I have dismembered from last year in a serious conversation.

Jan 01

“Plenty of crowds with a chance of downfall”

Reigning dictators of the middle east were paying close attention to weather reports during what was dubbed the Arab Spring.  Regimes in Egypt, Tunisia and Libya are toppled while others (most notably Syria) continue to tremble.  Meanwhile Sudan is officially split when the Republic of South Sudan is recognized as an independent state.  This was a consequence of years of bloody civil wars and repression from the North (another Middle Eastern state that is run by a man wanted by the World Court on charges of corruption, crimes against humanity and genocide).  For a full Middle Eastern weather report go here.

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