Tag Archive: Headlines

Far be it from me to ever defend big oil (or big anyone), but on September 1, when last year’s gasoline prices had reached their peak, I was sent out for some milk.  I was amazed to discover that it cost me $1.00 per liter (actually 3.99 for 4 liters) of milk – a renewable resource.  It’s something to think about (while we sip on our bottled water at $1.50+ per liter).  The oil companies and their oily political puppets still deserve a serious slap – but maybe their crime is not so much the price of gasoline as it is their collective efforts to avoid and/or suppress the development of alternatives.

Did You Know?  Canada uses more energy per capita than any other G7 nation.  The USA now burns less than half as much energy for every dollar of gross domestic product than it did 30 years ago.

In the immediate wake of Hurricane Katrina, oil companies around the world responded immediately with unprecedented gasoline price increases.  Three days later, Texas oil millionaire and part time (when he is not on vacation) President of the U.S. decides to cut his vacation short by two days, to rush to neighbouring Louisiana via Washington D.C. Five days later, federal relief starts to roll into the affected areas at gunpoint apparently to protect their homeland from the an unruly and hungry mob.

In a related story: A spokesman for the President declines a suggestion that the Bush Ranch could be used to handle the overflow of flood refugees saying, “Haven’t we already got enough problems what with Mad Cows in Texas, I don’t think we can cover-up the Mad Crowds too.  Okay, I admit, I am making this one up, but since the news media is unusually silent on this latest Mad Cow scare (the one they couldn’t blame on Canada), I needed to put it somewhere.

Over 10,000 dead in New Orleans.  Oops make that 118 all across the State of Louisiana and a total of 337 in all affected states (circa Sept 10). Meanwhile across the pond, Central Europe is quietly coping with the tragedy of what is their worst flood season in years.  There is not a peep in the North American press nor appeals for cash and sympathy for those flood victims.  Perhaps, if we weren’t so used to our politicians and media crying wolf, more lives might have been saved in those southern States as there is a good chance that they might have heeded the warnings and evacuated.

On the heels of demands that Ottawa pitch in to subsidize the Mad Cow losses in Western Canada, Alberta Premier Ralph Klein tells Feds to back off on any sharing of this year’s windfall oil profits in Alberta.

June 8, 2003:
Alberta Premier Ralph Klein accuses the federal government of a double standard because Ottawa relaxed employment insurance rules for workers affected by SARS in Ontario but not for Western beef industry workers. “We think the federal government should treat B.C., Alberta, Saskatchewan and wherever beef is produced the same as Ontario,” he said.

June 9, 2003:
Western premiers say Ottawa should provide $360 million in compensation to help the cattle industry recover from lost revenue from the mad cow scare.

March 29, 2005:

The federal government will give farmers $1 billion to help them through hard times brought on by a high Canadian dollar, low prices, drought and the closed border with the U.S. Payments will begin next month and the sum will be split between grain and oilseed producers, and cattle farmers. Farmers have received about $2 billion in mad cow relief since last March, but the industry is expected to be in the red again for what will be the third year in a row.

Not content with making everything on the planet, China makes for the stars when it successfully launches its first manned space flight.

The family of Star Trek’s Scottie announces they will be launching his dylithium crystals into orbit.

Canada puts the boots to those Danish marauders not once but twice.  First, they attempt to rape and pillage our puffins on Hans Island in the “Canadian” Arctic.  When they are finally forced to lego our archipelego, they counter with the childish attempt at throwing a brick through our window; however, the Courts overturn their claims that Canada’s MegaBlocks stole their ideas from Denmark’s Lego Inc.

(Hurting) Headitor’s note:  Its late, its New Years Eve, and I’SATIREd, sauced please accept that some (or all) of my ^wrec_kollections of the year gone by might be a bit scotchy.  You should double-check my fracts with some more staid and reputable news sources before using any of the stories that I have dismembered from last year in a serious conversation.

After winning the hearts of women everywhere by taking aim at her ex-boss, Myriam Bedard follows up at a Commons Committee investigating the Groupaction political sponsorship scandal with other allegations that would make Baron Munchausen blush.