Tag Archive: Headlines

Courtesy of the Mad Cow scare, Canadian beef prices at auction plummet from 55 cents/pound to15 cents/pound, but beef prices at your friendly grocer and fast food emporiums remain relatively unchanged.  Perhaps they plan to channel some of those profits back to struggling ranchers …but I don’t think the ranchers or the Government are cownting too much on that.

(Hurting) Headitor’s note:  Its late, its New Years Eve, and I’SATIREd, sauced please accept that some (or all) of my ^wrec_kollections of the year gone by might be a bit scotchy.  You should double-check my fracts with some more staid and reputable news sources before using any of the stories that I have dismembered from last year in a serious conversation.

While the rest of the business world reels on the heels of, well … reality, economic disaster, scandals and/or all of the above, the Ontario Liquor Control Board (and I suspect other Liquor Boards across the country) reports record profits.  Western fundamentalists are quick to cite this as a sign from god that, despite the teachings of Mohammed against drinking and other excesses, here lies the one true profit.

An international incident comes to a peaceful conclusion when a Quebec motorist is finally returned to his family after filling up on cheap American Gas.  The American Secretary of State admits that it was a simple translation issue caused when their border guards mistook the suspect’s rants on “unending Canadian gas tax” to be threats of “impending Canadian gas attacks.”

Despite sporting what we are told is one of the more robust economies in the world, the rest of the world is either not taking our dollar (or more likely the people who expect us to take “them” seriously), seriously.  At 63.6 cents US, our dollar continues to lag behind that of the other G-8 countries.  The “smart” money is not predicting much by way of a rebound until our ruling fathers (and mothers) “wise” up and stop spending Canadian dollars on image consultants given to the task of re-inventing their personalities. Only then is it likely that someone will get those same consultants to re-invent our dollar in a light that is mor_e on the serious side – perhaps by calling it something other than “the loonie.”

Canadian Minister of Health, John Rock, puts the welfare of the country ahead of concerns for Drug company patents/profits when he purchases Athrax vaccines from generic companies at substantially less than Bayer would have sold it too us (had they had any in stock).  Despite the immense negative backlash from  Canadian opposition parties, The Establishment and “dah media” against such a political faux pas, it pales by comparison to what Rock’s counterpart in the U.S. has to undergo when American citizens learn that he did not investigate similar opportunities in light of their situation.  The Americans subsequently demand and get the same price from Bayer that the Canadians got from the generic suppliers and the Canadians promise to buy all future orders from Bayer, on the condition that they get the same price that it is being offered to the Americans.

In a related story we hear that, despite all of the hype and horror surrounding the Anthrax attack in U.S. substantially more people were killed and/or sickened by the company that makes the cure for Anthrax. The Pharmaceutical giant, Bayer recalled it’s anti-cholesterol drug, Baycol after it had been linked to 52 deaths.

… Have you had your flu shot yet?

(Hurting) Headitor’s note:  Its late, its New Years Eve, and I’SATIREd, sauced please accept that some (or all) of my ^wrec_kollections of the year gone by might be a bit scotchy.  You should double-check my fracts with some more staid and reputable news sources before using any of the stories that I have dismembered from last year in a serious conversation.