Warning! Before you stop reading and turn to a more reliable source for those predictions you hope to hang your future stock portfolios on, first ponder the following:
“In 2000, Fortune magazine boasted that it had consulted with, “some of the best stock pickers in the country” to come up with a list of “ten stocks for ten years.” These stocks may have some short-term volatility, Fortune said. But they were sure fire winners if you hang on to them until 2010. They were right about one stock. The other nine were losers. Two of Fortune’s favourites? Nortel and Enron.”
… source: Ottawa Citizen December 30, 2010
Bowing to the pressure of special interest groups everywhere, Parliament outlaws all but the instrumental version of O Canada.
On the heels of their successful spin cycles of 2010, Industrial public relations officials pull the plug on any pretense of environmental concern when they roll out their lessons learned from past failures. In short, they announce that no future environmental fail-safes are deemed necessary as, in their words, it is impossible to destroy the planet before we destroy ourselves at which time when all the people are gone the world will return to its lush green roots.
Time Magazine votes that knob (or knobbette) who needs to inform the alleged person at the other end of their cell-phone (and everyone else who is trapped in their immediate proximity on buses, checkout lines and any other public venue) of the pointless minutiae of their pathetic day, their location, their likes & dislikes, their location now, what they are planning tonight, and new location now, … as their 2011 Person of the Year.
The world trembles and the “ick-ter scale” goes through the roof when unknown hackers infiltrate Iranian state television computers and cause all references to “this word from your local Ayatollah” to be followed by an X-rated out-take from Girls Gone Wild.
Tech Stocks go through the roof as everyone and every business everywhere needs to replace their pocket calculators, adding machines and computer business software packages with new models that can display and multiply trillions. Accountants are suddenly the new cool as they are seen marching to work with their widescreen “Big Boom” box calculators perched conspicuously on their shoulders.
The U.S. and Canadian Dollar as well as every other currency around the world is replaced with a new universal currency. This new coin is to be called the Trillion.
A BP whistle blower is accidentally run over by an American Coastguard cruiser at the foot of the court house steps where he was to have [allegedly] swore an affidavit to the effect that the well in the Gulf of Mexico was never successfully capped – it just ran out of gas.
BP (British Petroleum) conducts its final piece of damage control when it changes its name to MF (I will let you figure out the “Nature” of this abbreviation).
Big Oil and Toyota collaborate on salvaging their flagging reputations when they patent and release their answer to General Motors’ popular On Star system. All new Toyota’s are released with an on board “spin doctor.”
The world is only slightly surprised at the revelation that Justin Bieber is actually the illegitimate love child of Katy Perry and Elmo.
In a related prediction: Perverted puppets everywhere are asking, “Can you tell me how to get to Sesame Street?”
